1. I can never remember the name of Justin Bieber. Wait a minute: Julian Bieber? Justin Bieberman?
2. I forgot number two.
Can we go on to Number Three?
3.By carefully calibrating my array of bad habits, I can
time my death so that I don't grow too old.
4.Sex isn't as important any more. I don't spend my days behaving like a demented bloodhood who's
caught the scent of an escaped convict.
5. Everyone else is
growing old at exactly the same speed as I am.
6. I hear news of acquaintances'
deaths more frequently. Most of them
were assholes.
7. I no longer live in fear of toothaches. I have a modular portable set of teeth.
8. Things change so fast that I quit keeping up five years
ago. So as far as I'm concerned nothing
has changed at all.
9. They say that age confers wisdom. If that's true, there are an incredible
number of dumb people out there.
10. What was this list about?
